John (Alex Pettyfer) is Number Four of nine specially powered beings from the planet Lorien that form the Garde, guardians of Earth from the Mogadorians whose sole mission in life is to decimate all in their path. Because the people of Lorien stand in the way of the Mogadorians taking over Earth, the Mogadorians seek to find and destroy each of the Garde before taking over the planet. Numbers One, Two, and Three have already met their demise at the hands of the Mogadorians, and John is next. He and his protector guardian Henri (Timothy Olyphant) flee their west coast town for life in quiet Paradise, Ohio. Unfortunately for John, he is unable to keep out of the public eye as he tries to control his new-found superpowerful gifts and his face keeps popping up all over the internet where wandering Mogadorian eyes can track him.

Timothy Olyphant is a show stealer as John’s protector Henri, mascarading as his father to the human world. His acting is brilliant, despite the inconsistencies in plot line given to his character. And the beagle dog who wanders into their lives on a stormy night, affectionally named Bernie Kosar, proves to be an important character to the storyline. (Dogs always do…)

There is extreme attention to small details — if a car is damaged or a shirt is ripped or a table is turned, those items never mistakenly go back to their pre-disturbed states throughout their time in the storyline. What is lacking here is attention to a few of the bigger details: We want more action, which we don’t really get until the last 20 minutes, and less boring build-up of the love story between John and Sarah (Dianne Agron), less high school angst, more plausible technology storyline. (Henri can wipe John‘s photos off the internet but can’t get through a firewall to take down a video so leaves John unprotected and goes to the home of the people with the website… uhhhhhhhh, for-really?) Also, number Number Six‘s (Teresa Palmer) involvement in the storyline is phenomenal when she finally gets in there, but she wasn’t in enough of the movie. John and Number Six‘s abilities are spectacularly well displayed, no complaints on how those were shown off. My personal favorite is John‘s built-in flashlights.

This is one of the better movies that Michael Bay has produced, but the storyline deserved a bit of tightening up to make it more plausible. Just because beings from another planet are involved doesn’t mean you can leave your audience scratching their heads on why or how certain parts of the story are supposed to be believable.

The door is left wide open for many more sequels. If more focus is made on the action and back story of the struggle between the Loriens and the Mogadorians the sequels will be worth making.

Buttery’s Rating:

Recommendation

Since John and Henri are always on the run, I recommend On The Border Cafe Style Tortilla Chips as well as their Medium Salsa for snacking.

What could be more perfect with these chips and salsa than On The Border Frozen Margarita Mix, added to some yummy tequila?

Britt Reid (Seth Rogen) grew up with the disapproval of his father James (Tom Wilkinson), a shrewd businessman who always put his newspaper, “The Daily Sentinel,” at the top of his priority list. As rebelion to his father’s uncaring, Britt led the party boy lifestyle until one day he learned on the news that his father died of a heart attack and that he now owned the very newspaper his father abandoned him for. His father’s mechanic Kato (Jay Chou) is the only person Britt trusts to make him a good cup of coffee. When Britt bonds with Kato over unhappy memories of his father the two have a drunken night of cut the head off Dad’s memorial statue. While they are finishing the cut they witness a gang rob a couple walking down the street. Britt tries to help the couple but ends up on the ground in a knocked out pile while Kato takes out every member of the gang. From this event Britt decides the pair should become superheroes posing as villains and use the newspaper Britt‘s father left him to publicize their antics and to actually fight the gang crime that seems to be taking over Los Angeles.

Seth Rogen wrote this script with Evan Goldberg so it is far from the original serious villain concept, venturing into slapstick comedy with a martial arts twist. And of course Seth Rogen took the lead role as The Green Hornet for himself, but I did not feel the connection to his character because of it. Seth Rogen is a great funny man, but his attempt to pull off the Green Hornet character was a flop. Jay Chou as Kato stole the show, as did Cameron Diaz who played Britt‘s secretary and both Britt and Kato‘s love interest, Lenore. The special effects were spectacularly awesome and the villainous gang lord Chudnofsky (Christoph Waltz) was both hilarious and terrifying. It was great to see Edward James Olmos on the big screen (we yelled out “Adama!” when we saw him) as both James‘s and Britt‘s trusted newspaper confidante Axford. David Harbour‘s two faced role as District Attorney Scanlon was predictable at best, and I’m very happy with how the movie left his character.

The local theater where we saw the film only offered this movie in 3D. But it was post-filming 3D so everything looked layered instead of 3-dimensional as it should. I wish we didn’t have to waste our money on the 3D, nothing interesting happens with it, but it’s only available in theaters in 3D. This movie is, however, worth sitting in the dark theater for because it is action packed and does have a lot of inside joke references that are fun to laugh at because you’re in the know.

Purchase your tickets to see The Green Hornet 3D through Fandango.

Buttery’s Rating:

Recommendation

In honor of Chudnofsky renaming himself Bloodnofsky, we feast on Herr’s Heinz Ketchup Flavored Potato Chips.

Let’s drink some IZZE Fortified Sparkling Apple Juice. Why? Because it’s GREEN!

Olive (Emma Stone) is a typical teenager who happens to be a virgin. When her hippie best friend Rhiannon (Alyson Michalka) invites her to go camping with her family for the weekend Olive makes up a story that she has a date with a college guy to get out of spending the weekend roughing it. On Monday morning when Rhiannon asks Olive about her date Olive tries to come clean and tell her that she didn’t actually have a date, but Rhiannon doesn’t believe her so Olive makes up an outlandish story that she had sex with her imaginary date. Marianne (Amanda Bynes), the head of the school’s religious culture club, overhears the conversation between Olive and Rhiannon and soon after the entire school has been made aware of Olive‘s weekend sexcapade.

After hearing about Olive‘s triumph, gay classmate Brandon (Dan Byrd) asks Olive to help his reputation by sleeping with him. Olive refuses, but agrees to pretend to sleep with Brandon in exchange for a gift card! Ingenious! After Olive and Brandon‘s fake-drunk fake-tryst in the bedroom of the most popular girl in school during a raging party, Brandon‘s reputation has been changed from boy dud to chick magnet stud. While Brandon is now a hero, Olive is branded the slut of the school, and decides she’ll take the hit as more guys who are picked on at school for their lack of sex appeal pretend to have sex with Olive in exchange for more gift cards.

Olive continues her “good deed” of ruining her reputation by pretending to hook up with guys which causes her to lose her best friend Rhiannon, to be hated by Marianne‘s religious group, and to be shunned by the entire school while praising the guys she was supposedly with. Double standard, as per usual. Thankfully, amidst all the collusional chaos, Olive‘s long-time crush Todd (Penn Badgley) sees through the facade of Olive‘s harlot behavior.

Olive‘s father Dill (Stanley Tucci) and mother Rosemary (Patricia Clarkson) steal the movie with their hysterical one-liners and extremely liberal parenting style.

Easy A is intended to be a modern day version of The Scarlet Letter, but really it’s more a commentary on the out-of-control bullying that kids do to each other in school and via social networking. The film’s light-hearted approach to this subject only goes to show how commonplace and expected this behavior is in today’s teenage experience. Emma Stone has perfect comedic timing and a laissez-faire attitude about her character’s ruined reputation until she realizes she’s in too deep, then the dig back to fix everyone’s opinion of Olive is unfortunately more hokey than hilarious.

Buttery’s Rating:

Recommendation

Lets eat a Variety Pack of Stuffed Martini Olives while we sympathize with Olive‘s plight.

What goes better with olives than a martini? A dirty martini, courtesy of Toss Filthy Dirty Martini Olive Brine Mix.

Ringing in the new year with a movie based upon the apocalypse? Why not! My New Year’s resolution: Don’t piss anybody off so they want to hang me from hooks and ritualistically kill me!

Aidan Breslin (Dennis Quaid) is a detective with a background in forensic odontology who is recently widowed. Aidan dives further into his caseload to avoid the pain of his loss and his teenage son Alex (Lou Taylor Pucci) is left to care for the youngest son Sean (Liam James).

Breslin is called into a disturbing serial killer case where victims are ritualistically hung from hooks by the self named Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse. Breslin catches the first of the four, an adopted girl named Kristin (Ziyi Zhang) who quickly goes from innocent victim of tragedy to psychotic main suspect. The details of The Four Horsemen‘s murderous plot become clear and a dangerous race to find the rest of the Horsemen before the bodies pile up begins. The true horror for Aidan is actualized when he learns that he was specifically chosen to work this case… and why.

This movie is slow paced in between its scenes of true gore. The back story of the dad who is never around for his kids is nothing new, but it ties into this story in a more creative way than usual. Although the ending becomes predictable if you’re watching closely, it still is a psychological thrill to get there. The very end of the film, however, deducts an entire bucket for weak delivery in tying up loose ends.

Worth a watch with a Twitter buddy to discuss the scenes as they unfold, which is exactly how I watched it.

Buttery’s Rating:

Recommendation

I had a craving for fries during this movie so I recommend Smart Fries which are healthier for you than regular fries and help you guess the ending just like I did.

Let’s go for broke and drink some Tru Blood during this movie.

The dysfunctional Harrington family is taking the back roads to Grandma’s house for dinner on Christmas Eve when they encounter an injured Lady in White (Amber Smith) walking along the road clutching her baby. Psychologist daughter Marion (Alexandra Holden) hops out of the car so the strange woman can ride with the rest of the family to get help. The Harringtons stop at a cabin on the side of the road to see if anyone is inside, but it is vacant. Son Richard (Mick Cain) goes off into the woods to have some quality time with a picture of a centerfold model while Marion‘s boyfriend Brad (Billy Asher) stays in the car and tries to make small talk the woman in white and learns that her baby is dead. Then suddenly Brad has been abducted in a black car and the family chases after Brad to rescue him. Unfortunately the rescue turns futile when father Frank (Ray Wise) and mother Laura (Lin Shaye) find Brad chopped up into pieces in the middle of the road.

Richard notices that there have been no other cars on the road for miles while they try to find a place to stop for help and that all their clocks stopped at 7:30pm, suggesting to everyone that aliens are responsible. Everyone dismisses this, but Marion quickly enters a catatonic state over the loss of her boyfriend. As the family continues to drive in the dark with no homes or businesses in sight they begin to escalate their anger with each other until a tire blow-out stops the car in its track. Marion then reveals that she is pregnant with Brad‘s baby… oopsie!

Frank and Richard have a father-son moment of trying to change the tire together and it ends in a Ralphie swear fest à la A Christmas Story. While Frank finishes the tire change Richard wanders back off into the woods to smoke pot and contemplate the family’s future. The Lady in White reappears and begins to make out with Richard. The woman bites Richard‘s lower lip off then we cut scene to Richard in the back of the black hearse about to meet the same fate as Brad. They run over a very crispy burned alive Richard in the road, remote the presents for Grandma’s house from the car minus a shotgun that was for Uncle Michael, then plop dead Richard into the trunk.

Laura goes instantly insane over the loss of her son and begins babbling nonsensically while Frank talks of an urban legend he’d heard as a kid of The Lady in White. The family stops the car when Laura gets sick from eating too much food, then Laura grabs the shotgun from the car and tries to shoot Frank. Marion tries to stop Laura from shooting her husband but it does not work, and Laura shoots Frank in the leg. Marion is able to bandage Frank up and he continues driving the family along the deserted road.

Laura‘s insanity is not lessening and she jumps from the car while it’s moving so that she can meet up with dead people only she can see on the side of the road. When Frank and Marion stop the car to find Laura they see the black hearse again and try their best to stop it. Laura wanders out of the woods and we see her brain exposed out of the back of her head. You may be wondering if she dies… that’d be a yup.

So, with only Frank and Marion left, will they make it to safety? Or will the black hearse come for them too?

Camp, camp, camp!!! Hilariously ridiculous until the end when you realize this was a complex blending of reality, dream world, afterlife, and the grim reaper’s role in it all.

Buttery’s Rating:

Recommendation

Looks like Mom Laura was snacking on Lay’s Potato Chips in the car. Sounds good to us!

Mom kept drinking coffee so how about a thermos filled with Jamaican Me Crazy Flavored Coffee.

And then I saw Nudity, Rape, and Graphic Violence included in the list of reasons for why this movie is Rated R. (Rated R! I am shocked it isn’t rated NR with that line-up! But who am I to judge.)

And I hit Info on my remote control: A couple seeks murderous revenge on the criminals who attacked their daughter in this shocking remake of the 1972 cult classic.

Ohhhhhhhh…

The Last House on the Left is a much more intense, graphic, and sexualized remake of the 1972 Wes Craven cult classic.

Mari Collingwood (Sara Paxton) recently lost her older brother to an accident. She and her parents are still healing from his passing and decide to go to their vacation home away from the city for a little rest and relaxation. Mari decides she wants to hang out with her friend Paige (Martha MacIsaac) so she takes the family’s only car to visit her at the convenience store where she works. Justin (Spencer Treat Clark) patrons the store, buying a bunch of junk food. He isn’t 18 yet but asks for a pack of smokes. Paige won’t sell them to Justin but then he makes an offer that Paige can’t refuse: In exchange for the smokes Justin will go with the girls back to the motel where he’s staying and give them some high quality marijuana.

Mari drives Paige and Justin to the motel. While they’re hanging out smoking pot Justin‘s father Krug (Garret Dillahunt), Uncle Francis (Aaron Paul), and Krug‘s girlfriend Sadie (Riki Lindhome) arrive. Unfortunately for Mari and Paige, Justin‘s entourage happen to be very bad people who killed cops when Krug was being taken to jail so now they’re on the run and on the front page of the newspaper. Krug decides the girls cannot be let go because they know too much.

Krug drives everyone in Mari‘s SUV to escape the police, but when Mari leads them on the path past her summer home then attacks Sadie in order to try to get away, Krug and the gang drag Mari and Paige into the woods where Krug rapes Mari after Krug and Francis have stabbed Paige and left her for dead. While being assaulted, Mari tries to grasp the gold necklace her brother had given her before his death but Krug snatches it and throws it. Justin quietly pockets the necklace. Mari is more determined than ever to escape her captors. She breaks Francis‘s nose and escapes but is shot in the back while she’s trying to swim away from them.

A bad thunderstorm comes rolling through so Krug and the crew seek shelter at the only home nearby — Mari‘s summer home! Her parents John (Tony Goldwyn) and Emma (Monica Potter) don’t know who Krug‘s family is so they help to set Francis‘s broken nose. The power goes out so their wireless phone is not working, no calls for a tow truck or a cab. John and Emma offer for the fugitives to stay in their guest house for the night, which they accept.

Justin takes an unescorted trip to the kitchen and sees a photo of Mari on the refrigerator. He realizes that John and Emma are Mari‘s parents. Justin is scared of his father, but wants John and Emma to know what has happened so he leaves Mari‘s necklace on the kitchen table.

And then from there the battle of parents who know that these people did their only living child wrong versus a group of armed criminals begins.

In true campy horror film fashion, the ridiculosity of the kills is spectacularly awesome. No one is left unscathed, and not everybody survives. “It was a dark and stormy night” meets the mastermind behind Freddy Kruger with a much darker present day twist. I think Alleca and Ellsworth did Craven‘s original movie way more than justice — they improved it. Brilliant. And you might think you know how it ends, but you’ll still be impressed with the “execution”.

I went through this entire movie still not knowing the original 1972 film was written and produced by Wes Craven, which I think added to the freakout factor. You expect weird and totally outer limits things to happen in a Wes Craven inspired movie, but if you think it’s just a regular thriller where parents are trying to avenge their daughter’s rape and attempted murder you don’t see all the twists and turns coming exactly how they do. Bravo to Craven for staying true to his style, bravo to me for not checking who directed it ahead of time. I have since watched both the 1972 version and the 2009 version of this movie, and recommend that if you want a light and fluffy and silly campy horror movie then stick to the original Craven version, but if you want dark and suspenseful and raw and a movie that brings you into the story then go for this new one.

Also, in case you don’t notice, the actor who plays the truly evil Krug (Garret Dillahunt) plays the happy and carefree dad opposite on-set wife Martha Plimpton on the hit sitcom “Raising Hope”. True story!

Buttery’s Rating:

Recommendation

Since Justin snaps into a Slim Jim at the convenience store, we recommend you do the same.

A nice selection of Great American Root Beers will pair nicely with the Slim Jim.

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Americans Lindsay (Ashley C. Williams) and Jenny (Ashlynn Yennie) are vacationing in Germany and are driving to a party with friends. They become lost in the woods at night with no cell phone service when their rental car tire catches a flat. Aside from a perverted man who only speaks German and thinks the ladies are porn stars, Lindsay and Jenny can’t find help on the road so they wander to the closest house they can find and into the world of Dr. Josef Heiter (Dieter Laser), a scientist famous for separating Siamese twins.

Lindsay and Jenny are led to a false sense of hope that Dr. Heiter is helping them by calling the rental car service for them, but while they drink their water (laced, of course, with the “date rape” drug Rohypnol) Dr. Heiter has gone downstairs to check on the trucker he previously captured at a rest stop. Sadly for him, the trucker is not a compatible (genetic? blood type? unclear) match with the Americans so Dr. Heiter kills him then hunts for and captures a new prey who will be a good match for his ingenious plan, a tourist who only speaks Japanese.

When the victims wake up from sedation to realize they are tied to hospital beds Dr. Heiter tells them his plan to connect the three victims via their gastric systems. Lindsay is able to escape her hospital bed bindings and tries to run from Dr. Heiter but he recaptures her and tells her of his previous success to surgically combine his pet rotweillers. He then lets her go free again when the power to the house turns off. Lindsay returns to try to rescue a very anesthetized Jenny but doesn’t realize Dr. Heiter is just continuing his game of cat and mouse. But can Lindsay and the other trapped tourists turn the cat and mouse game around?

Where other movies would end with a convenient last-minute getaway, this film brings the terrifying subject of human experimentation to your television, and Lindsay and Jenny do not escape unscathed. This movie is not for the squeamish. I get nauseous and fainty around blood and these sensations were definitely activated during this movie. Only watch if you can separate reality from movieland, unless you enjoy nightmares. The dark lighting of the film, the intense but lowly played musical score, and the fact that it takes place in the middle of the woods in Germany make the movie truly horrifying.

Moral of the story: Learn at least the basics of the language before you show up to a new country. And how to change a flat tire.

DVD features include: Trailer, Deleted Scene, Behind The Scenes, Director Interview, Casting Tape, Foley Session, Alternate Posters, and Director Commentary. I watched this one via Netflix Watch Instantly, so I’m neutral about the extras offered.

Buckets given for creativity in plot and daring to bring the subject of human experimentation to the screen. Also, for Laser‘s performance and for any other actor daring to take part in this film.

Buttery’s Rating:

Recommendation

I couldn’t think of eating anything while watching this. Ugh!

Whatever you drink, don’t drink water!

The queen of kindness and goodness is in a pickle.

Jenna Hunterson (Keri Russell) is a waitress at Joe’s Pie Diner with a special talent for making delicious pies. She hates her jealous and controlling husband Earl (Jeremy Sisto) but learns she is pregnant with his baby. She refuses to tell Earl about the baby and plans to run away from her life by winning first prize of $25,000 in a pie baking contest.

When Jenna goes to get her first pre-natal check-up she learns that her life-long doctor has gone into semi-retirement and now Dr. Jim Pomatter (Nathan Fillion) will be caring for her. She makes it very clear in that visit that she is not happy to be having the baby. Dr. Pomatter is a bit odd to her from the start but the two begin a strange affair where Jenna continues to refer to Jim as Dr. Pomatter.

Jenna confides in Old Joe (Andy Griffith), a curmudgeonly man who owns the diner and no one seems to like but her. Whether she wants it or not, Old Joe picks up on the fact that she is pregnant and having an affair and advises her to make a fresh start with her life.

Jenna does a bit of narration throughout the film to her unborn baby. Because she’s not looking forward to having the baby the dialog is often pretty rude and hysterical. That baby will definitely need therapy in later life if Jenna ever shares her thoughts during the pregnancy when the baby is older. The film is a bit slow paced in parts. It seems a good 15-20 minutes could have been cut from the film without changing the story progression. The quirk factor is high (which, to me, is a bonus!) and the ending is worth the wait, but there is nothing particularly intriguing or innovative about this film. The scenes showing Jenna‘s daily pie creation with narration of what the pie is supposed to represent are definitely the very best part.

Special features include commentary by Keri Russell and producer Michael Roiff, a funny and insightful overview of the film given by writer/director Adrienne Shelly and the rest of the cast, Keri Russell‘s closer look at Jenna, and a segment explaining pie as a character in the film. The segments are basically just rehashed, cut up from one set of interviews, and are pretty much skippable (unless you just can’t get enough talk about pie and unwanted babies).

Buttery’s Rating:

Recommendation

What snack would hit this movie’s spot? Why, pie, of course! May I suggest the favorite of Cheryl Hines? Cherry pie!

Old Joe recommends a tall glass of water — NO ICE!

The Covenant is an intriguing tale of the descendants of a 17th Century coven of witches. It revolves around Pogue Parry (Taylor Kitsch), Tyler Simms (Chace Crawford), and Reid Garwin (Toby Hemingway) who are lead by Caleb Danvers (Steven Strait) and are collectively known as the Sons of Ipswich, representing four of the five founding families of the town. The fifth family was rumored to have been driven off for violating a covenant of silence the coven made to avoid persecution during the witch hunts of the time. Attending the elite and upper class Spencer Academy, the boys seem to be the popular clique… allowing others to look, but not see who they truly are as magic wielding warlocks.

With their powers comes not only the cliche’d great responsibility, but the absolute lure of addiction. However, their abilities are not for free use. The more their magic is used, the more addicting it becomes, and the quicker their bodies will age and eventually fail them. This underlying morality lesson of the dangers of drugs is something that is rarely seen told in such a compelling fashion.

A newcomer to the school, Chase Collins (Sebastian Stan), challenges their social dominance. The arrogance of the group is quickly lost when it is discovered that Chase isn’t like any of the other kids… but he is much more like the members of the coven. The fifth family has returned from their exile, and the battle for power begins in earnest.

While the special effects in the action scenes can be considered somewhat mediocre by today’s standards, there are a few scenes that are completely mind blowing. Unfortunately, chances are that you have already seen them in the trailer. The acting was solid, especially for what amounts to a cast of no names. The premise of the story is by far its strongest part. While I think they did a good job in getting the generalities out there… it would have been nice to have seen some more detail for no other reason than to fill the open gap as to why exactly Chase feels so slighted by those he has never met before.

Special Features

Audio commentary and a featurette are the big draws here. Well… who am I kidding… obviously no one saved any magic for the DVD because those are the ONLY draws. Watch the movie, and if you enjoy it that much then maybe you won’t have invested in a nice shiny coaster for the coffee table after all.

Popcorn’s Rating:

Recommendations:

A movie about addictive magic deserves an addictive magic like snack… Magic Mentos Mints are addictively tasty and magically make your bad breath disappear! Can you ask for anything more?